Hi. I'm God. I'm a self-employed consultant who specializes in shaping the universe and interfering in people's lives (human resource management, some call it).

Here at Advice from God, I give out free advice to those who ask for it. But, as they say, when you ask someone to follow your advice, sometimes the answer is no.

Well, I say that if you can't persuade them, sell to them. This catalog is for those who doubt my word as a matter of principle. The come under a variety of names: Atheist, agnostic, heretic, heathen, freethinker, secular, unreligious, nonbelievers, infidels. They are all, as Ann Coulter calls them, Godless.

It hurts my feelings a little bit that they've gone their own way without me, but in spite of what the Bible says, I'm not really in a mood to cast them into a lake of fire. I started out my advice column as a way to try to become a better listener, and to give human beings a little divine stage of their own.

So, if these people want to break free from my flock, I'll let them go to fend for themselves, and give them this catalog of merchandise to help them spread their word of principled faithlessness.